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Why do past experiences seem better than they actually were?

by Karen Abrahams

Is my memory deceiving me?

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If you’ve ever looked back on a vacation, a childhood memory, or even an old relationship and thought, "That was such a wonderful time!"—only to remember that, at the time, you were stressed, tired, or even frustrated—then you’ve encountered rosy retrospection.

Rosy retrospection is a cognitive bias where we tend to remember past experiences as being more positive than they actually were. Our brains filter out the mundane, difficult, or stressful aspects of past events and amplify the highlights, creating a romanticized version of reality. This bias explains why:

That "amazing" family road trip seems idyllic in hindsight—despite all the traffic, arguments, and bad motel stays.

Your high school years feel like "the best time of your life," even though you were stressed about exams and friendships.

A previous job seems so much better than your current one—until you remember why you left.

Why Does Rosy Retrospection Happen?

The answer lies in how our brains encode and retrieve memories. When recalling the past, we don’t replay it like a perfect movie. Instead, we reconstruct it through the lens of the present, often emphasizing positive emotions and minimizing negative details. This occurs because:

We prioritize emotional "peaks" – Research shows that our brains focus on the most intense emotional moments of an experience, not the day-to-day reality. (Kahneman & Tversky, 2000)

The negativity fades faster – Our brains have a positivity bias in memory, meaning that negative emotions associated with an event fade more quickly than positive ones. (Walker et al., 2003)

Nostalgia enhances positive recall – The emotional warmth of nostalgia activates dopamine and oxytocin, reinforcing feel-good memories while downplaying stressors. (Wildschut et al., 2006)

When Does This Bias Affect Us Most?

Rosy retrospection is particularly strong in situations where the end of an experience was positive—even if the overall event was stressful. This is why:

A difficult hike with a stunning sunset at the top is remembered as a "beautiful adventure."

College years are seen as joyful, even if you spent them pulling all-nighters and surviving on instant noodles.

An ex-relationship seems better than it was when you forget about the conflicts and loneliness that led to the breakup.

Is Rosy Retrospection a Bad Thing?

Not necessarily! In fact, this bias can have psychological benefits:

It boosts life satisfaction by making the past seem rewarding.

It helps us cope with difficulties, since we remember struggles as being less severe than they were.

It encourages optimism, as we assume future experiences will be just as wonderful as our idealized past.

However, it can lead to unrealistic expectations—such as quitting a job because "things used to be better elsewhere" or romanticizing an ex, only to return to a toxic situation. Recognizing this bias helps us make decisions based on reality, not nostalgia.

How to Counter Rosy Retrospection

Journal in the moment – Write down how you’re feeling as experiences happen. Looking back later can help you recall both the highs and lows accurately.

Talk to others – Friends and family can remind you of forgotten details, helping balance overly romanticized memories.

Compare expectations to reality – Before making a big decision based on "the good old days," reflect on whether your memory is distorting things.

Don't Forget!: The Past Wasn't Perfect—But That’s Okay!

Rosy retrospection shows that our minds are wired to remember the best parts of life. It’s a beautiful quirk of human psychology that helps us cherish the past—but being aware of it ensures we don’t let nostalgia cloud our judgment.

So next time you catch yourself thinking, "Things were so much better back then," pause and ask yourself: Were they really? Or is my brain giving me the highlight reel?

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