Repressed Memory?

by Leila
(USA)

Photo Credit: Marco Bellucci

I have been married for more than 20 years and have only recently discovered that my husband is a narcissist. This realization explains so many situations and behaviors over the past two decades - it's nice to finally know that the state of our marriage is not completely my fault.

I know that I must have issues to remain in my marriage for such a long time, although I contribute my tolerance to the fact that I am unable to provide financially for our children on my own, and I have no living family members to help me regain my footing after a divorce. That being said, I recently remembered that my husband and I had a huge fight just a couple of years ago that made me begin to pray for God to show me a way out of my marriage.

It was a big deal to me, at the time, and now as I think of it, I get a feeling of dread in the pit of my stomach - but I cannot remember any details of the argument. I know, without a doubt that it happened, and I am sure that he was verbally abusive (because he ALWAYS is, during a disagreement), and I remember going walking around the neighborhood afterward - but try as I may, I simply cannot recall what started the fight or what it was about.

Could I be repressing the memory of this argument? (I do remember other ones that happened years before that.) Or am I just getting old, at the age of 43? Thanks for any insight that you might have.