Is there a link between sexual activity and bullying.

The woman that I live with who is now my wife, is very strong minded to the extent that it verges on bullying. I found that when we had sex, the bullying got much worse. So, in the end, and several years ago, I couldn't face having sex with her any more.

Despite everything, I am rather fond of my wife. I understand the factors in her youth that led her to behave as she does. Underneath the strength, there is a child who has hardly grown up. Sometimes I almost want to cry when I think how awful her childhood was, and I admire her positive nature despite that. As long as we don't have sex we get along quite well, taking everything into consideration, and after many many times of strife.

It's a rather big problem for me, however. How much better do I feel when I behave naturally and stray a bit. It's like a blanket being pulled from my brain, and I can think again, and I am over 70! In truth, I feel like straying about twice a week, but I don't at all often

You would think that I ought to be able to tell her our problem. But now that she is on something like an even keel, after years of definitely not being on an even keel, I am loath to chance doing that especially as I know that I would be ridiculed by her for doing so.

The best thing to do would be to explain nothing and just walk away. I think that would be the kindest and most dignified thing to do. But the practicalities of my life don't permit it. So :

Am I a victim personality? Would curing that make the difference? I don't think that many people would recognise me as being a victim personality.

What is the connection between having sex and bullying? My feeling is that it has to do with control, but maybe it's something much deeper. Am I the only person to make this connection, or am I imagining it?

Is it possible that a prolonged piece of psycho therapy could enable her to accept that some things can not be put back together and to focus on the positives and let the negatives be?