How to Gain Better Control of Your Habitual Cycle
There are some habits that stay with us from the moment we enter this world. We don’t mean to assume, but we’re willing to bet you’ve been unable to stop breathing since you were born, making us all the original oxygen junkies. Although of course, we’re also taking nitrogen, carbon dioxide, and many other gases in each time we inhale.
We’re also going to assume you like to eat and drink too, as well as everything that implies. But many other habits are habits we form over time. Perhaps you bite your nails, or only sleep on your side, or like to clear your throat with a sturdy, forced cough now and again. All of these things we learn and develop as time goes on. For the most part, these are totally benign.
Yet some habits we may wish to change. Perhaps you have a short temper and want to have more control over how you react, or you may wish you were a little less reliant on your morning coffee to feel like a functioning being in human form. In this post, we’ll discuss some ways to not necessarily force your habitual cycle, but to adjust it to your own ends:
Have A Clear Idea Of The Habits You Wish To Change & Why
It’s usually a good idea to actually know what you want to change. We all have an idea that we should improve but only when you make tangible plans to do so and outline the scope of the problem can you take any action on it. That sounds obvious, but lots of us just have vague notions like "I want to be healthier" without getting specific about which habits are causing problems.
You might want to spend some time just noticing what you do throughout the day. Maybe keep a little notebook handy for a week and jot down things you catch yourself doing automatically. No judgment needed here either, just observe when the habit comes, how it impacts you, and the soothing effect leading to disappointment it gives. You'd be surprised how many habits we have that fly completely under our radar.
The "why" is very important and helpful if it’s crystal clear. If you're trying to quit smoking because your partner nags you about it, you'll probably have a harder time than if you're quitting because you genuinely want to breathe easier. Or perhaps you’re vaping and using Two Wombats' comprehensive pouch reviews to stop from smoking cigarettes, which could be the first step to getting rid of nicotine altogether. Your motivation needs to come from somewhere authentic or you'll likely end up right back where you started once the initial push becomes less appealing.
Focus On One Or Like Habits At A Time
Knowing you want to change and deciding now is the moment can be exciting to begin with. This feeling can be deceptive, because suddenly we're going to exercise daily, meal prep every Sunday, read 30 books, learn Spanish, and finally organize the garage. Within a couple of weeks we're exhausted, discouraged, and back to our old ways.
That’s because for the most part, your brain can only handle so much momentum switching at once before it starts fighting back. You might find it way more effective to pick just one habit to work on for a while. Once that feels somewhat natural, then maybe add another. Related habits can sometimes be tackled together as well so you don’t undo your progress, for instance, if you're already changing your morning routine to include meditation, adding a quick stretch session right after might not be too much. Or if you’re on a diet, limiting your alcohol intake usually works more favorably.
The point is to go easy on yourself. Changing everything at once almost never works, and then you feel bad about failing, but you don’t necessarily need to feed into that kind of unnecessary disappointment.
Understand The Function & Need They Serve
We don’t build habits in a vacuum, be they good or bad. Every habit serves some kind of purpose, even the "bad" ones that we might have put in place to protect ourselves, or as an unhealthy reaction to a stressor in our lives. That afternoon chocolate bar might be your brain's way of getting a quick dopamine hit during a stressful day because you really dislike your job and find that you need some kind of sugar kick to feel capable after having no break. Checking your phone first thing in the morning might be filling a need for connection or the FOMO that comes from not being “in the know.”
This means that before you can successfully change a habit, you probably need to figure out what need it's meeting. Then you can find healthier ways to meet that same need. If you just try to white-knuckle your way through eliminating a habit without replacing its function, your brain is going to put up one impressive fight.
For example, if you mindlessly scroll social media every night before bed, maybe that's actually helping you wind down from the day. Instead of just trying to stop cold turkey, you could try reading a physical book, which gives your brain a similar wind-down effect without the blue light keeping you awake, or taking a warm shower to help feel more relaxed and pampered. There’s always a positive alternative, so see what yours could be.
Slow Down Momentum & Build Healthier Momentum
Habits have their own momentum and it’s important to remember this. You don’t stop a car with a brick wall, but by taking your foot from the accelerator and gently applying the brakes at the same time.
Let's say you want to cut back on the three beers you drink every night after work. You could start by just having two beers and a sparkling water. Then maybe one beer and two waters. You're slowing down the old habit while building speed with the new one, and conforming to a new normal. If you were going to still drink those beers anyway, you’re making an improvement, so it’s not like you’re harming yourself by sustaining the habit a touch longer than you otherwise would except for in medical need.
The same goes for building positive habits. If you want to start running, you don't need to sign up for a marathon next month. Maybe just put your running shoes by the door. Then try walking around the block. Then jogging for one minute. Then two. Then before you know it, you’ve booked in to run the half-marathon in your city this year. Small steps build momentum in the direction you actually want to go, and it’s okay if you improve by 0.1% every time.
Don’t Provide Yourself Access
Sometimes the smartest approach is also the simplest, with the insight of “just don't keep the thing around.” It's pretty hard to eat cookies at 11 PM if there aren't any cookies in the house. You might still want them, but the barrier of having to get dressed and go to the store or paying through the nose for a late-night delivery is often enough to make you think otherwise..
This works for digital habits too. If social media is eating your life, you could delete the apps from your phone so you can only check them on your computer. You could cancel a streaming app if you haven’t enjoyed the last few shows you’ve watched.
You don’t have to live an ascetic lifestyle of course, but habits are so much easier when you don’t give yourself the convenience of keeping them around.
With this advice, we hope you can gain much better control of your habitual cycle going forward.
